Elliman’s Rub

There once was a bottle, a bottle brown in colour, no label, with a white plastic top.

It came out on cold winter days, when my PT hurts were very small with gaps up the side. Red, green, yellow with legs hanging down like legs from a nest.

Legs that got me a nickname Knots On Cotton. Legs that would run four Marathons, play football, win medals doing the 400 metres in 50 seconds in 1985.

Cross Country in Germany in minus 6 degrees, the Brown Bottle would appear, get passed around from man to man, slippery and covered in clear pungent smelling liquid.

Off we would go like a glowing ember running into the distance, faster than you ever ran before because of the heat eating into your white, pale British body.

The changing room windows open, releasing odours that travel to the maintenance man cutting the grass for the next game of football. Sitting on his Mountfield lawn mower, he gets close to the small building where he can hear men chatting about how good they are, all the time the smell of Elliman’s Rub being sucked in as he breathes the fumes in. The mower speeds up as he gets high on it, the blade dropping and cutting shorter than a Bowling green.

The game is on – meet you there at 2. Make sure you tell someone to bring the Elliman’s.

Stripping off, the men talk; I put my blue football shorts on all faded, worn by not just me, frayed edges with nice gaps for the air to blow up. What position will I play today I wonder? I can play anywhere as I am a good footballer, one that could play on either wing. A player who was taught by my Dad to use both feet.

A player who would win the final day’s football match between two school teams. 80 mins gone, the score 1.1, he ran, just standing back from the centre spot. The brown leather football weighing as much as a bag of spuds would come sailing through the air, the small skinny lad leaping headfirst, connecting with ball and heading past the goalkeeper to win the match. Nine players run to him, hugging, and spreading the Elliman’s all over him.

Number Seven was his shirt, and the number would mean so much to him as he grew older. Blue was his favourite colour, and would also play a big part later in his life.

You’re on the wing Blackie OK? No problem – pass the Elliman’s.

Excitement building up to the game, he tips the rub into his hands, most of it missing and running down his skinny legs. He massages it into his thighs up high, just short of the Crystal Balls.

Someone shouts “Did you see that film last night with Demi Moore in?”. She appears in his head, beautiful, hair cut short, a face he dreams of waking up to.

Slowly his hands move inside his blue shorts, rubbing the C B…s. She fades from his mind as an intense heat flows into the groin area.

The door flies open. Wives and children watch as a tall 6ft man with a thick moustache runs like Johnny Weissmuller in a black and white Tarzan movie speeded up five times, like Benny Hill weaving back and forth, heat eating into his todger.

A scream of laughter echoes around the pitch. “Why is he running so fast?” a little boy asks.

It’s the Good Old Elliman’s Rub.

This is how it came

Written by

I am 63 years old and and since a boy have had an interest in wildlife and in particular birds. I help my Dad with the rearing of young finches and other birds. I had many small birds as pets and as i got older and joined the Military i purchsed my first Camera, and fold out Kodak. Over a 22 year period i enjoyed many countries outside the uk and observed many species of birds. When i left the military in 2000, i bought my first digital camera a Canon 450D with a Tamron 70-300 and started my journey on capturing images of birds and animals. I quickly learned that there was a lot more to getting a good image of a bird, so i started to research the best settings for my camera in order to capture a better image. Over a 12 month period i realised that needed to invest in a better camera and lens and after research bought a Canon 50D and a 100-400 Lens. It was 2013 when i really got to grips with the setup and came across a lovely Short Eared Owl. From that meeting i started to concentrate on Owls as they fasinated me. From Canon to Olympus i recently jumped ship again to Sony. The variety of birds i have captured over a 10 year period is vast and at present i have a wildlife hide in lancashire where most of my images are captured.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: