Why does giving something to someone come naturally but receiving be uncomfortable makes me feel anxious. Why do I feel like this, I would rather have nothing given to me but I want to give gifts and surprises to my family and friends. Don’t want anything in return, its not the same feeling when I give something.

Xmas Birthdays should make me feel happy but their Stressful and I get worse with age. A Hug and a Kiss feels more natural gives me more pleasure than something material.

Am I being ungrateful I don’t want to upset anyone but they don’t understand my mind why I think like this another Childhood Scar ingrained in me as a boy another Burden to carry in my Bag of Mental Feelings.

I just need one thing.

To Be Loved.