Yes I write about my feelings and it helps me, but has an impact on family members. By writing my thoughts and feelings helps me.
Good things come from Honesty.
If you tell it as it is your not only honest to yourself but others that matter to you. So So Sunday night I had my treat and filled myself with chocolate and had a coffee before I went to bed. I left my phone tablet and laptop in the living room.
I slept very well, when I woke I had a strange feeling of being Positive again. So I took my lovely wife a cup of tea and sat on the bed. I asked her a simple request. To try and understand me and don’t try to work out why I have my down periods.
Then I explained that through my own doing I think I have created the situation. So from 2 years of pain to freedom again I had another 6 months out. So I get better and back to my walking.
Lock down followed by bad weather for 6 weeks now, Christmas looming, I stopped walking and for some strange reason looked at my always in good shape body, never felt better a spring in my step, singing from when I wake up.
So the wheels are turning fine then I do what I have always done, decide to change my lifestyle. I feel I have put weight on by not getting out while in a plaster cast, so I decide on my own Diet.
I won’t have breakfast and dinner just my evening meal. Put the together with no exercise, fresh air, no birds to film, waking up to Black skies sent me into a negative feeling. Other factors join the list of things that I put my body through.
My mind gets starved of food but I battle it thinking I am doing the write thing, I become stuben rejecting food from my Ruth who just tries to help.
My way is best I tell myself but before long it creeps in the negative thinking all created by my sudden over the top changes to my daily life.
I sit on our bed and explain all these factors to my Ruth and blame myself for creating a situation with no thought for my Soul Mate best friend and companion, the lady who rescued me from certain failure.
So heres what we do, I have breakfast dinner and tea, I walk even if its raining, I eat my treats as I exercise everyday. I start my new Wood Carving Project. I sing all day, play my Harmonica and teach Bella new words.
Love and tell my wife how amazing she is to me, ask her if she is happy and if I do anything to make her feel more secure in our life.
It sounds a lot but its just a normal day for me, so its best I get on with it.
I can’t promise that it won’t come back and I know there are a million plus worse off, I am grateful for what I have and what I have achieved in life.
But the Mind is another Thing.
Post Script. A heartfelt thanks to the 4 people that left a message on a Social Media page showing their concern for me.