Why Does Life Get Harder

I have conquered many thinks in my life that I didn’t know I could do. Life with its ups and downs is something we get used to but I hate it when little things get you down. The mind is a powerful part of the body and yes you can train it to think in a certain way. The car getting a scratch on it would have kept me awake all night years ago before a Life changing episode hit me without warning.

Until that day I wanted everyone to see my Bose Hi Fi system, my New House, my New Car. The £48,000 I had in the bank in 1999. My Wood floors, that I had retired at 42 years of age. I was just living a life with all things Material.

But I was a good Dad and Husband. So in one sentence all that changed, the world of material living had gone it didn’t matter if I had a Million pound in the bank and a Ferrari on the drive, it would not have helped my Mind.

So i stopped Smoking and drinking thinking this would help me in my Me And My Mind Battle. I know I am not Normal and I do worry for the future because my mind is so Powerful it scares me sometimes. If I could go one day without worrying about things I would be at peace for a moment.

You could say I have everything and live a great life, but what lies in my brain can’t be explained and trying to tell people I just feel down today is as far as it goes. There is nothing any person or Pill can be a solution to a Brain that was formed, hurt, tormented when I was a child. The closest person in the world I live with will never know how my days are filled with worry, sadness, but I try my hardest to make her life the best we can have.

Even now when I go out to film my beautiful birds I feel the need to rush back home, it’s horrible I feel guilty for being out thinking of myself, when I treat myself I feel for my Wife and family, why do I have to buy things all the time, and when I do I feel guilty.

There is so much wrong with the way my mind thinks its like another person takes over just for a moment, then I come back until it appears again. I want everybody to be happy with no worries but life isn’t like that so when my Pefect Family with no troubles is hit by something so small, just some words that affects me to a point where I think I have Failed Again.

I am a Full Circle all sides perfect for so long then a peice is cut out making incomplete. And knowing it can’t be fixed back means it’s weak, the circle has become a Worry one that will go on with no Closure.

1 Comment

  1. Thank you for sharing your struggles Blackie. My heart cries for people who suffer with hurt, pain, anxieties, and other life challenges. There is no way I can totally understand. But I am so sorry. And I will keep you in my prayers. There is so much in life that I do not understand. 😢🙏

    Like

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