Category Archives: Family

Family Dreams

Dad Brian,Julie and Christine are not part of my life there blood flows from our same mother. Arguments and stupidity have led to Silence no communication. We once played in the same house happy not knowing what the world had in store for us

One by one they left, I left we all started a new life, wife children and grandchildren. Now we all suffer from our stubeness. No contact to love, the Family bond no more. Sitting together as one is gone and won’t return.

I am at peace with myself as I know I have tried to bring us all together, said Sorry so many times can we just put the past behind us. Be adults and be a Man and forgive and forget.

Me dream was all my family were at home when arrived back from a day out, they sat all over my house in every room children I had not seen before husband and wife my Dad and his wife.

They looked at me with disgust and anger hatred they said bad things to me why i don’t know. I don’t think of them anymore for months but then a horrible dream happens.

I am the Man in all this blamed maybe for things but if they said shall we meet next week I would be the first to say Yes.

Or do I wait for the Call or someone to say your Sister or Brother is dead are you going to the Funeral. Anger says No but my Heart will say Yes.

I know I will cry when I stand alone above and on the soil that lies between me and my Sister or Brother and say Why did we have to meet this way finally to say words you can’t hear anymore, why did we act so silly and childish.

Brian Christine Julie I Still Love You. And always will.

Grateful Or Not.

Christmas approaches we never thought that a Virus from an Animal would distrup our life on earth. No one wrote a song about it, or predicted it would happen. The Bombs have stopped, no more mass gatherings so the Terrorist can’t create Media by killing innocent people because of the Virus.

People still starve and have no water to drink, live in poverty not knowing where the next meal is coming from. Hardship still ravages the earth, children die from decease no cure to help them.

People still live on the streets in doorways as the nights grow colder, 12 months ago they were happy had a well payed job, a family, a Future all lost in a traffic moment no just a thought as another night on their own closes in.

Children are still kidnapped for slavery, for people with money, people still make epic journeys to other countries seeking a better life taking years to make it to the place of safety, pastures green.

The Big C still takes innocent lives of all ages every second of every day. Men women and children loose their Sight or hearing. Loose a loved one as the mind turns from a partner to a child. From happy married to caring for them as they deteriate through age.

Marriages and relationships break daily through pressure from Money and wealth, always wanting more to keep up with the Jones’s.

Suicide and self harm, Depression and many more illness that the healthy person takes for granted daily. We have every gadget in the world life is so easy we come to depend on it, forgetting the real meaning g of life.

Sit and look around what you have and then think of the homeless when you turn the heating on from for Voice or by your phone. Complain obout the TV listing. Rain again today,

Yes I make up the % that are fortunate to have a Wife Family money have no job to do to pay the Mortgage, can do what I want when I want, eat what I want, order anything I want to get delivered next day, talk to my loved ones when I want, hear my Grandchildren laugh or see them in a video. Walk in the country, ride my bike, sleep, look at the Internet, I can do anything I want.

I don’t watch the News or read papers.

So when you next Complain about the V word

Look around what you have.

Its not hard for us that have everything, a little, or just our family love and friendship. Don’t get bogged down by talking all the time about it, you can’t change the outcome what will be will be. Then whens its over they will say do you remember the Virus in 2020.

Be yourself talk more use your social skills talk to your children make things with them, play with them.

I am a Human being well and if I don’t sit down with my family at Christmas with more food that just gets thrown away, then that’s not hardship its something we have to take as normal, until we get a Needle in our Arm to protect us.

I am very Grateful what I have in life.


The Box

Over time I mind thoughts go to to a certain time or person, a memory of sadness never Happy ones, always something that puzzles me, why it happened. I know I can’t what happened and its daft and pointless going there again and again.

But the mind is a powerful organ and it would be wonderful and amazing if I could make the feelings or thoughts go away by stopping them in their tracks by erasing them from my Brain. But I can’t.

I have just woke up again from yet another dream of the Army the same theme again like its been for years. My memories and thoughts are easier to deal with but I find the dreams are difficult to control.

Some people talk about the dream being what you saw in the day or spoke about triggers them, but the military dream does not need a trigger its there like a Nightmare.

I old mate of mine was suffering with a loss of his wife years ago now and at the time I was in a good place to help him in his time of need. And for 5 years I was in a position where it was part of my job description to advise people and listen to their problems.

No qualifications just life skills that I had learnt on the way, ones I had learned from. My mate was I a place and situation that I would end up in years later, but I helped him by explaining that what has gone has gone.

You can’t change the outcome but we can make it a little easier for you, it worked for me. There are 2 Boxes one Red and one Green. There a vision in your mind, they both open on your command and there for your thoughts Good and Bad.

So we spoke about his one thought that kept coming back and I explained to him it needs to go into the Red box, open it in your mind put the thoughts in it and close the lid. Everytime it comes just say stop and place it back in the Red box

You may never open the Green box like me as the Happy thoughts don’t bother you. It works with me and over time it will sit in the Red box the thought is learning it can’t upset you or bother you as you have moved on in life and nothing can change what happened.

My Thoughts Since My Blog.

I am finding that writing my thoughts down has lifted a weight off my shoulders but I never take to much for granted as I know that rock bottom feeling is only round the corner waiting to be triggered again by something. But staying positive and busy keeps my mind from going there.

Yes my Red box is closed for now with my childhood, family and other memories that haunt me and send me to dark places, that no one can help me with but me. So I’m positive in body and Happy feeling the best I have felt for years.

Maybe the way forward is to Get some 6 inch Nails and a Hammer and drive 64 into it closing it for good and telling myself when a thought starts to happen or my mind wonders again say you can go there again its closed for good.

My Box has 64 nails in my years on earth since Birth.

Christmas Tree Mother and Me.

Come mother sit with me as we did in the old days me sat on your knee.

Hold me so close and laugh with me, come mother sit with me like we did in 1963.

Sing me a song of happiness and glee. Mother sit with me under the big Xmas tree

Tell me a story of father and me, will he be home mother to sit with me, next to our Xmas tree.

Lights are so bright presents for me, your my best present Mother spend it with me

Your not hear anymore mother years spent with you with me. Your never forgotten Mother as I sit now old next to the Xmas tree, with memories of you and me.

Mother xx