The Box

Over time I mind thoughts go to to a certain time or person, a memory of sadness never Happy ones, always something that puzzles me, why it happened. I know I can’t what happened and its daft and pointless going there again and again.

But the mind is a powerful organ and it would be wonderful and amazing if I could make the feelings or thoughts go away by stopping them in their tracks by erasing them from my Brain. But I can’t.

I have just woke up again from yet another dream of the Army the same theme again like its been for years. My memories and thoughts are easier to deal with but I find the dreams are difficult to control.

Some people talk about the dream being what you saw in the day or spoke about triggers them, but the military dream does not need a trigger its there like a Nightmare.

I old mate of mine was suffering with a loss of his wife years ago now and at the time I was in a good place to help him in his time of need. And for 5 years I was in a position where it was part of my job description to advise people and listen to their problems.

No qualifications just life skills that I had learnt on the way, ones I had learned from. My mate was I a place and situation that I would end up in years later, but I helped him by explaining that what has gone has gone.

You can’t change the outcome but we can make it a little easier for you, it worked for me. There are 2 Boxes one Red and one Green. There a vision in your mind, they both open on your command and there for your thoughts Good and Bad.

So we spoke about his one thought that kept coming back and I explained to him it needs to go into the Red box, open it in your mind put the thoughts in it and close the lid. Everytime it comes just say stop and place it back in the Red box

You may never open the Green box like me as the Happy thoughts don’t bother you. It works with me and over time it will sit in the Red box the thought is learning it can’t upset you or bother you as you have moved on in life and nothing can change what happened.

My Thoughts Since My Blog.

I am finding that writing my thoughts down has lifted a weight off my shoulders but I never take to much for granted as I know that rock bottom feeling is only round the corner waiting to be triggered again by something. But staying positive and busy keeps my mind from going there.

Yes my Red box is closed for now with my childhood, family and other memories that haunt me and send me to dark places, that no one can help me with but me. So I’m positive in body and Happy feeling the best I have felt for years.

Maybe the way forward is to Get some 6 inch Nails and a Hammer and drive 64 into it closing it for good and telling myself when a thought starts to happen or my mind wonders again say you can go there again its closed for good.

My Box has 64 nails in my years on earth since Birth.

I like to Give

Why does giving something to someone come naturally but receiving be uncomfortable makes me feel anxious. Why do I feel like this, I would rather have nothing given to me but I want to give gifts and surprises to my family and friends. Don’t want anything in return, its not the same feeling when I give something.

Xmas Birthdays should make me feel happy but their Stressful and I get worse with age. A Hug and a Kiss feels more natural gives me more pleasure than something material.

Am I being ungrateful I don’t want to upset anyone but they don’t understand my mind why I think like this another Childhood Scar ingrained in me as a boy another Burden to carry in my Bag of Mental Feelings.

I just need one thing.

To Be Loved.

Songs Music Words.

I wake up and a song comes to me a happy song a sad song, songs of love with words that remind me of a time in my life, that take me to that moment, I see the event the people I once new never to see again. People that shaped my life, helped me, hindered me. They appear through words in a song. I see trees of green, red roses to they bloom for me and you.

All the words below are songs from my library stored just like my childhood or military career, wildlife stories, memories linked together all making up a lovely collection. One song leads to another and so on. I will explain more after as the songs come to me.

I have a seat on the same old bench to watch the children play,

Time goes by so slowly and time can do so much, are you still mine.

I’m sitting in a railway station, got a ticket for my destination.

You never close your eyes anymore when I kiss your lips. There no tenderness anymore in your fingertips.

Hello darkness smile friend I come to talk with you again. Because the vision softly creeping left its seeds while I was sleeping.

Moon River wider than a mile I’m crossing you you in style.

Do not foresake me o my darling, on this our wedding day

If I had time in a bottle, the first thing that I’d like to do, is to save everyday like a treasure again I would spend them with you.

Love is a many splendid thing, in the April Rose that only grows in the early spring.

Climb every mountain ford every stream follow every rainbow till you find your dream.

Can’t you see I love you, don’t you break my heart in two.

Should I go or should I stay, the band has only one more song to play.

We have all the time in the world, time enough for life to unfold all the precious things life has in store.

Smile though your heart is aching, smile even though it’s breaking, when there are clouds in the sky you’ll get by.

You are the love of my, the only thing in my life, I knew it right from the start, the moment I looked at you. You found a place in my heart.

If you leave me know and take away the biggest part of me.

Trailer for sale or rent, rooms to let for fifty cents.

The summer sun is fading as the year grows old, and darker days are drawing near.

Morning has broken like the first morning, blackbird has spoken like the first bird.

After all this time of being alone, everyone must face their share of loneliness. You were the dawn breaking the night, a promise of morning light.

Daniel is leaving tonight on a plane, I can see the red tail light heading for Spain.

Where do you go to my lovely when your alone in your bed, tell me the thoughts that surrounds you I want to look inside your head.

You fill up my senses like a night in a forests, like a mountain in springtime like a walk in the rain, come and lay down beside me let me always be with you,.

🌟 🌟 night paint your pallet blue and grey, look out on a summer’s day.

Love on the rocks ain’t no big surprise, poor me a drink and I’ll tell you some lies.

You don’t bring me flowers anymore.

School bag in hand she leaves in the early morning, waving goodbye with an absent minded smile.

We meet every night at eight we don’t get home till late.

Nothings going to change my love for you, you want to know by now how much I love you

I don’t want to talk, about things we’ve gone through. And I understand you’ve come to shake my hand.

I Sing All Day.

How do all the words stay stored in my mind, I can here a song from 30 years ago and know the words to it. I know music had s big influence on my life but knowing the words to so many. Where are they all stored.

My love I’ll never find the words my love. To tell how I feel my love.

When I was tall and Xmas trees were small. We laughed while others used to play. Don’t as me why .

I started a joke that started the whole crying.

Strangers in the night exchanging glances.

The hills are alive with the sound of music.

And when you smile the world is brighter, you touch my hand and I’m a king..

Daddy we can find a brand new mummy, daddy ride me on your back again.

To dream the impossible dream to fight the unbeatable foe, to bear with unbearable sorrow.

Hello darkness smile friend, I’ve come to talk with you again.

Touch me in the morning, then just close the door.

Hello again hello, it’s good to need you do, it’s good to love you like I do.

Us and them and after all were just ordinary men.

All you touch and all you see is a your life will ever be.

And if the band your in starts playing different times, I’ll see you on the dark side of the moon.

Ever since I was a young boy I played the silver ball, from Soho down to Brighton I must have played them all.

When I was young I listened to the radio, waiting for my favourite song.

If your going to San Francisco be sure to wear some flowers in your hair.

You don’t bring me flowers, you don’t sing me love songs.

Love soft as an April Rose.

I’m leaving on a midnight train to Georgia. Got a one way ticket back to the life I once new.

How do I begin to tell the story of how great a love can be. A story that is older than the see.

They try to tell us were to young, to young to really be in love. they say that loves a word, a word we’ve only heard and can’t begin to know the meaning of.

When I fall in love it will be forever, or I’ll never fall in love. In a restless world like this is.

Moon River wider than the Nile I’m crossing you in style someday, you dream maker you heart breaker, wherever your going I’m going your way.

There’s a place for us somewhere a place for us, hold my hand and were halfway there hold my hand and I’ll take you there.

There she goes with her nose in the air funny how love can be.

I wonder should I go or should I stay, the band had only one more song to play, and out of the corner of my eye a little girl alone and so shy.

Silence is golden and my eyes can see, silence is golden.

I’ve been so lucky I am the girl with golden hair, I want to sing it out to everybody what a life.

Walking through the market Square so many mothers crying, news had just come over we had years left to cry in. News guy wept and told us we had five years left to die in.

Happy that’s you, you make my life brand new, then happy came one day take my blues away.

The Autumn leaves are fading as the year grows old and darker days are drawing near, I wish my life could be forever autumn now your not hear.

Where do I begin to tell the story how great a love can be, a true love story that is older than the sea.

Has any body here seen my old friend Bobby, can you tell me where he’s gone. They say he freed a lot of people but it seems the good die young. I looked around and he was gone.

We meet every night at eight we don’t get home till late. I say to myself the lone lonely girl.

O you are a mucky kid dirty as dustbin lid. When he here’s the things that you did, you’ll get a belt from your dad

Two little boys had two little toys one had a wooden horse. Daily they played.

Puff the magic dragon lived my the sea and frolicked in the autumn mist in a land called halaleigh.

There once was an ugly duckling with feathers all stony and brown.

Hurry home to your mama, you know should wonders where you see, get out of here before I have the time to change my mind.

In your eyes I can see my dream reflections in my eyes your the answer to my questions.

Train whistle blowing, right around the bend, all bound for morning town many miles away.

When i was young I’d listen to the radio waiting for my favourite song, when it played I’d sing along it made me smile.

When her fingers touch my silent heart and taught it how to sing, yes true love a many splendid thing.

The long and winding road that leads to your door, has left me standing hear a long long time ago.

I beg your pardon I never promised you a rose garden. Along with sunshine there’s got to be a little rain sometimes.

Somewhere over the rainbow blue birds fly.

Mona Lisa Mona Lisa men have named you your so like the lady with the mystic smile,visit only because your lonely men have blamed you

The road is long with s many unwinding turn.

God only knows what I be without you.

What have you got at the end of the day a bottle of whiskey and a new set of lies.

Do you really want to hurt me do you really want to make me cry

I think I saw you at an ice cream parlour drinking milk shakes cold and long, smiling and waving and looking so fine don’t think you knew you were in a song

Us and them and after all were only ordinary men,

When your down an troubled and need a helping hand.

He had one eye in the mirror as he watched himself go by. I had a dream there were clouds in my coffee clouds in my coffee, your so vain.